PS 635 

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n379 

CODV 1 




BARBARA 
THE GREAT 

BY 

JULIA M. MAKTIN 



A Play for Boys 




PRICE 25 CENTS 



This Play will not be Exchanged. 



Eldrid^e Entertainment House 

Franklin, Ohio ££l^ Denver, Colo. ^ 

944 So. Losan Stre«t 



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Eldridge Entertainment House 

FRANKLIN, OHIO also DENVER, COLO. 

944 S. Logan St. 



BARBARA THE GREAT 



A Play for Boys 



By JULIA M. MARTIN 



PRICE 25 CENTS 
Copyright, 1922, El«lridge Entertainment House. 



PUBLISHED BY 

ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE, 

FRANKLIN, OHIO DENVER, COLO 



^^^^'' 



CHARACTERS 

Henry Bauer, a middle-aged store-keeper. 
Harvey Hoover, a boy who helps at the store. 
Dick Wait, a chum of Harvey's. 
Mr. Levy, a liveryman. 
Mr. Pederson. a farmer. 



©CI.D 63213 






Barbara the Great 



Scene: A country store. *Mr. Bauer hobbles in at 
the right entrance ivhile Harvey is arranging the day'^ 
green groceries in the ivindoiv. 

Bauer — I dells you, dot leetle hen Barbara vot I got, 
dere iss not a hen vot beats her. Vot you tink? Dis 
morning again von egg. Dot makes von hunnert und 
seventy-nine days yet dot she hass laid every day von 
egg. Und von day better as dot. Ven I dells you, you 
would hartly pelieve it no more. 

(Enter Dick.) 

Harvey— H'llo, Dick. 

Bauer — All de odder hens shtops layin' ven it gits 
so cold, but you tink dot leetle Barbara would forget her 
piziness for dot yet? Not dot leetle bird. Every day, 
von egg I 

Harvey — Sure is some little hen, Mr. Bauer. 

Bauer — (with great pleasure in the phrase) Some 
leetle hen, dot's right. ( Groans and holds his back as he 
stoops for a fallen ball of tivine.) 

Harvey — I should think a doctor could help that 
rheumatism a lot, Mr. Bauer. 

Bauer — Na, na, I don't vant no doctors yet. I yust 
rub me over vonce wid liniment, and after a vile dot gets 
better. 

(Enter Levy.) 

Levy — Well, how's everything, Mr. Bauer? Got any 
more o' that harness grease you sold me last week? 

Bauer — Blenty, blenty. 

Levy — How's the rheumatism? 

Bauer — Ach, dot gets bat yet sometimes. Dis veek 
3 



Barbara The Great 



I haf hatta let Harvey feet my shickens und gatter mine 
eggs. By de vay, how iss your shickens laying now? 

Levy — Oh, same's usual, I guess. Martha, she 'tends 
'em. 

Bauer — Ya, veil, you see, I ain't got no woman, but 
if I did, dan she tends de shickens, all egsept dot leetle 
Barbara hen yet. She iss de leetle vunder. Von hun- 
nert und seventy-nine eggs I got yet, every day von wit- 
out missing. Dot leetle hen I tends myself, vife or no 
vife. If I should dell you vat she done, dot leetle hen, you 
would hartly belief it. Von day — 

(Exit Bauer, following Levy out as he talks. Harvey 
gives Dick a punch in the ribs, and as soon as the do&r* 
closes behind Bauer they get their heads together, Har- 
vey talking rapidly and with great glee.) 

Harvey — Listen. 

Dick— Ya, well? 

Harvey — Oh, gee, Dick, it's great! You know, one 
day last week the old gentleman had me feed his chickens 
because of his rheumatism. Well, there wasn't any Qgg 
in Barbara's nest. And so I — 

Dick — You put one in. 

Harvey — Bet your neck I did. I hated to have the 
old chap's fa'4)rite hen go back on him the same day his 
old legs and back did, so I slipped an ^gg that was in one 
of the other nests into Barbara's and then I brought the 
egg in to Mr. Bauer, so if he asked me I could say it was 
from Barbara's nest. 

Dick — Oh, gee, that's great. Did he ask you? 

Harvey — Sure he didn't. Raved along same's usual 
about how little Barbara couldn't fail. Well, I been gath- 
ering the eggs all week, and after that cold snap cam© 
on I had to "help" Barbara keep up her record twice. He 
gathered the eggs himself yesterday, but I was afraid she 
might not have one, so I slipped out there and put one 
in. And gee, Dick, it was a Minorca egg, about twice as 
big as a Leghorn's ought to be. Bauer's been up in the 



Barbara The Great 



air ever since he found it. He thinks he's got a hen that 
cold weather only improves. 

Dick — (slapping his leg) That's too good a joke to 
let die so young, kid; Let's keep it up a while. I'll slip 
Barbara the eggs this week. 

(Bauer hobbles in. Bell clangs. Pederson enters.) 

Pederson — ^Good morning, Mr. Bauer. Harvey, just 
reach me down a couple cans of that corn, will you? (To 
Bauer.) How's the rheumatism? 

Bauer — Oh, dot gets better, dot gets better. Yes- 
terday I tended de shickens and carried my own wood 
again yet . 

PEDERSON: — That's good to hear. By the way, how's 
the little Leghorn's record coming along? 

Bauer — (scratching his head) I dell you, it's von- 
derful about dot bird. All mine odder hens iss shtopped 
layin' beguss it iss so cold. But vat you tink de leetle 
Barbara does? Veil, by shiminy, yesterday she laid two 
eggs! 

(Something seems to be the matter with Harvey. He 
chokes and ducks his head, pretending to hunt something 
behind the counter. Stuffs twine ball into his mouthy 
Pederson starts to explode into incredulous laughter, but 
checks himself. Stares at Bauer.) 

Pederson — Well, Mr. Bauer, that's a regular rec- 
ord, I should say. 

Bauer — Ya, you don't pelief me yet. But by shim- 
iny it vas so. I finds my egg yust like always by de noon 
time. Ven I feeds dot bird in der afternoon vas yet an- 
odder egg in de nest. 

Pederson — Couldn't ha' been, Bauer. One of your 
other hens must have laid in her nest. 

Bauer — Ya, you ask de butcher about dot, den. Be- 
guss dis veek I sole 'em all on de butcher but de leetle 
Barbara. I don't keep no hens no more in de vinter vat 
don't lay eggs. Next year I raise me some bullets again 
from Barbara's shicks. Maybe dey be layers. 



Barbar'a The Great 



Pederson — (sarcastically) Ya, maybe her chicks'll 
lay three eggs a day. 

Bauer — (earnestly) Ach, you don't pelief me. Veil, 
I don't plame you needer. I guess you didn't see no birds 
like dot down by de State College, ain't it? 

Pederson — Bauer, it's physically impossible for a 
hen to lay more than — 

Bauer — Na, na, it ain't impossible, beguss de leetle 
Barbara, she did it. 

(Exit Bauer, following Pederson, and still arguing.) 

Dick — What'd you do that for? Good enough was 
good enough. We'll spoil the thing if we try to make the 
hen do such stunts. One egg a day's as much as even 
Bauer will swallow forever. 

Harvey — (laughing till he chokes) Honestly, I did- 
n't fix it that way o' purpose. I guess the old man was a 
little early and had already gathered his egg for the day, 
when I put mine in. Oh, sufferin' cats! (Leans against 
luall and shakes ivith laughter. Enter Bauer, cheer f idly.) 

Bauer — I knew dey wouldn't pelief it yet any more. 
Dere vasn't so many hens like dot. But ve, ve know it iss 
true. Von hunnert und seventy-eight days it iss, every 
day von egg; und von day two. Dot makes von hunnert 
und seventy-nine. I dells you vat, poys. If it comes to 
von hunnert eighty today, ve'll make a leetle zelebration 
by it. I hires an auto tonight und dakes you down to 
Zigsville. Ve goes to dinner by der hotel dere und ve go 
vonce on de show yet. Vat you say? 

Dick — Gee! That's mighty handsome of you, Mr. 
Bauer. 

Bauer — Ya, ve'll go tonighdt ven de shtore gloses. 
Oh, it comes, it comes sure enough. I goes in ten minutes 
out for de egg. Barbara de leetle Barbara lays alvays 
by de same time. Und you tink she will miss vonce to- 
day? Oh, na! Dot treat comes all right. Now, you poys 
vatch de store vile I puts me some potatoes on for my 
dinner. Na, de leetle Barbara never forgets vat der old 



Barbara The Great 



man likes for de next day's breakfast. Every day von 
egg. You tink I could eat any eggs vat any odder shick- 
ens laid? De leetle Barbara knows dot. Und she von't 
forget her piziness today. Ya, dot leetle treat comes all 
right. (Exit) 

Harvey — Gee, what'll we do if she does lay that egg, 
Dick? 

Dick — Dunno. Suppose we'd go, wouldn't we? It's 
kinda rotten, ain't it ? But you see, if she does lay today, 
after the way he's been stakin' on it, it's a kind of once- 
in- a-lifetime anniversaiy to the old gent. Gosh, I'd hate 
to spoil it for 'im. 

Harvey — Yes, but — 

Dick — Ya, I know, Harvey. I feel that vv^ay about it, 
too. Helpin' Barbara lay doesn't seem quite the same 
thing since he up and made that offer to treat us. He'll 
order a dinner that would make a French chef gasp, too. 

Harvey — Besides, if the hen's been missing lately, 
she'll disappoint him anyway some day during this cold 
snap, you know. Gee, kid, I'm not going to let him blow 
in a lot of money on us for stuffin' him. Maybe you 
didn't notice, but I did, the way Levy was grinning the 
last time he asked about the palgued hen. That two-egg 
day was too strong for 'em. I don't think we ought to 
let him go on talking about it. They think the old gen- 
tleman's going nuts, or else trying to sell a $1000 bird, 
or something. 

Dick — I never thought of that. You're right, kid. 
If she lays today we gctta tell him what we been up to. 
(They grin at each other.) 
Dick — (sheepishly) I suppose we could-. — 
Harvey— What? 

Dick — Could take the egg out of her nest if she's 
laid one today. 

Harvey— I'll do it. (Hugs Dick with joy over the 
suggestion. Exit Harvey. Enter Bauer.) 



8 Barbara The Great • 

Bauer — Ve must order some more shpool cotton ven 
ve are by Zigsville, Dick. Don't let us forget dot. 

Dick — But if we shouldn't go to Zigsville, sir? 

Bauer — Ach, you are yoost like Pederson yet. You 
don't tink dot leetle bird vill make good beguss it iss de 
last day. Veil, I know yoost how you feel. I haf been a 
poy vonce, und I was afraid dere would be an eart-quake 
or somedings before de circus, so I hatta miss it yet. 
But you vill get by Zigsville all right yet. {Enter Har- 
vey.) Beguss now it iss time I should gedder de egg, 
und ve'll see vonce yet. (Exit.) 

Dick — Did you get her egg away? 

Harvey — Yep, here 'tis. (Puts it under others in a 
basket on the counter.) Pretend to be very anxious to 
hear if she laid this morning. He'll think it mighty cur- 
ious if we aren't anxious to hear whether we get that 
trip. 

(Enter Bauer. Goes to tray of spools, and, turning 
to the boys, says irritably:) 

Bauer — Here, you! Ve must take shtock of dis 
shpool cotton und orter some ven ve be by Zigsville. 

(The boys look at each other in surprise . There is 
a silence. They take stock and make notes. Bauer 
crosses the room for a pencil.) 

Dick — You ask him if Barbara laid. 

Harvey^No, you. 

(Bauer recrosses room. Looks blue. Takes up case 
of spools.) 

Dick — Well, did Barbara win out on the last stretch 
Mr. Bauer? 

(Bauer drops the case of spools, which roll in every 
direction. He takes much time in helping the boys pick 
them up.) 

Bauer — ^Vat you wass saying? 

Dick — I said, did Barbara come through with her 
egg this morning? 



Barbara The Great 



Bauer — {Looks at the boys with a benevolent reluc- 
tance to disappoint them. Paiise.) Vat! You would mis- 
trust dot leetle hen? {Pause.) Never fear noddings. Dot 
treat iss coming tonight all right. Dot comes yet. Vy, 
dere iss Levy, now, by der corner. You poys run out 
yet, und tell him ve vant hiss little runabout donight. 

{Exeunt boys.) 

Bauer — {to himself) Veil, I hatta say it, ain't it? 
If I didn't said it I would be sheating de ^eetle Barbara 
out of dot zelebration vat she ought to haf for laying von 
hunnert seventy-nine eggs, yoost beguss she didn't made 
it von hunnert eighty. Dot wouldn't be right would it? 
Und — I ha^f been a poy yet, und hatta miss de circus 
vonce. 

{Enter Levy.) 

Levy — I was just coming in for some rivets, any- 
how, Bauer. So you three gay young fellows want the 
little Maxwell tonight, do you? All right. I'll feed her 
oats, and get her into good trim. 

ElkuER — How much you sharge? Ve vant to go by 
Zigsville und back. 

Levy — Oh, the boys settled with me when they 
spoke for the machine, Mr. Bauer. 

Bauer — rVat? Vere are dey? 

LevY: — They said they were going to phone ahead 
for the dinner. Maybe I hadn't ought to have told you 
they were paying for it. Of course I didn't know any- 
thing about their plans. {Exit.) 

{Enter boys.) 

Bauer- — Now, poys, vat you done dot for? Shtepped 
in und paid everydings ? You tink I vas going to let you 
do dot? By shiminy, no! Dis vas de leetle Barbara's 
treat. 

Harvey — ^Why, we — ^we kinda thought that would be 
doing the right thing, Mr. Bauer. 

Bauer — Ya, vy did you, den? 



10 Barbara The Great 

(Harvey is silent.) 

Dick — Wsll — (Gets stuck. Looks at Harvey.) 

Harvey — (resolutely) Mr. Bauer — 

Bauer — Ya, veil? 

Harvey — (Backing down. Hastily.) It's — it's pret- 
ty cold, isn't it? 

Bauer — Sure, sure. I'll fix it mit Levy so he gives 
your money back by you. 

Harvey^ — Mr. Bauer, you know that morning you 
found two eggs in Barbara's nest? 

Bauer — (looks at him shrewdly) Veil? 

Harvey — (hacking down again) That was — ^a pret- 
ty cold morning, t-too, wasn't it? 

Bauer — Vat's de matter wit you yet? 

Dick — I think we ought to tell you, sir. That sec- 
ond Q^Q Barbara laid wasn't quite — quite correct, sir. 

Bauer — You put it in der nest, you young shyster? 
(Very angry.) 

Harvey — No, sir, I did, sir. I was having a little fun 
that morning. 

Bauer — You haf interfered wit de leetle hen's rec- 
ord like dot? You young good for noddings! Dot's a nice 
ding vat you did by me, ain't it? For dot shmartness, 
maype you loose your chob yet. So, den, it iss only von- 
hunnert und seventy-eight eggs vot she laid? 

Harvey — No, sir — that isn't quite correct either, 
sir. The morning you found the large e^g in her nest I 
was — I was having some fun, too, sir. (He isn't having 
any fun right noiv, judging by his looks.) 

Bauer — But dot was six days ago. (Puzzling. Sud- 
denly blazing.) Ach, vat a young shyster's work iss dot! 
Tell me, den, how long you haf been blaying diss trick? 

Harvey — I began it when she had laid the hundred 
and seventy-third egg, sir. She failed us that morning, 
and I knew you wouldn't eat any other egg but hers, and 
it was so cold a day, sir, and — 



Barbara The Great 11 

Bauer — Ya, I guess dot vas de morning vot I hat 
dot rheumatisms so bat. How many times she haf 
missed, since den? • 

Harvey — Four times. 

Bauer — {His head slightly dropping forward. After 
a paiise.) Veil, I guess dot vas de end of it yet, any- 
how, den. {To Harvey.) You go und catch me Barbara 
und bring her in vonce by me. 

Harvey — Yes, sir. {Exit.) 

Dick — But you'll go with us to Zigsville, won't you, 
Mr. Bauer? 

Bauer — (Hesitates, then — ) Oh, ya, I go vit you. 
{Brightening up.) Sure! Maype he didn't mean it so 
bat dot first mornings he blayed dot little drick. 

{Enter Harvey with the hen tucked under his arm. 
Bauer takes her.) 

Bauer — Ah, dere — de leetle Barbara! Da iss de lit- 
tle vunder. Ya, you vasn't no freak bird, layin' eggs 
twice a day. But you vas a fine leetle gold mine, all de 
same! All de same! 

{Enter Pederson.) 

Peterson — How's the phenominal hen coming 
along, Bauer? 

Bauer — {confuted) Oh, dot hen^ — dot vas my mis- 
dake about dose two eggz vot she laid von day. It was a 
gupple of young roosters vat laid dose exdra eggs dot 
time yet. 

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FRANKLIN, OHIO also DENVER, COLO. 

944 S. Logan St. 



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014 211 885 3 ♦ f 



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Eldridge Entertainment House 



FRANKLIN, OHIO 



also 



DENVER, COLO. 
944 S, Logan St. 



LIBRPRY OF CONGRESS 




014 211 885 3 i 



